Funny Golf Quotes

Super Quotes by the 3 Men Team

"All you've got to do it hit it straight"  
Neal Gozzett, 2012

Other Great Quotes

"The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight."
Ben Hogan

"I’ve had a good day when I don’t fall out of the cart."
Buddy Hackett

"I have a tip that can take 5 strokes off anyone’s golf game. It’s called an eraser."
Arnold Palmer

"I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced."
Lee Trevino

"Don’t play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty."
Harry Vardon

"Golf is a fascinating game. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I can’t play it."
Ted Ray

"Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf… And you can keep the fresh air and the round of golf."
Jack Benny

"My golf score seems to improve considerably when I have the score card."

"Golf is a game in which you yell “fore,” shoot six, and write down five."
Paul Harvey

"For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball."
Dave Barry

"You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work."
Lee Trevino

"The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing."
Phyllis Diller

"Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun."
Jim Bishop

"If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball."
Jack Lemmon

"The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course."
Billy Graham

"You’ve just got one problem. You stand too close to the ball after you’ve hit it."
Sam Snead

"Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?"
Al Boliska

"It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course."
Hank Aaron

"The uglier a man’s legs are, the better he plays golf – it’s almost a law."
H. G. Wells

"I don’t want to play golf. When I hit a ball, I want someone else to go chase it."
Rogers Hornsby

"Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick."
P.J. O’Rourke

"If I had cleared the trees and drove the green, it would’ve been a great shot."
Sam Snead

"If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf."
Bob Hope

"The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie."
George Deukmejian

"I’m the best. I just haven’t played yet."
Muhammad Ali (When asked about his golf game)

"A Lance Armstrong - lose a couple of balls then start cheating."
Tim Knowles - 3MIB Reader